1 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,847 - Kevie, you look like such a rebel 2 00:00:14,849 --> 00:00:16,348 in your new jacket. 3 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:19,952 - Thanks, babe. 4 00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,086 Yo, check this out. 5 00:00:21,088 --> 00:00:23,956 - Is this what you earth people call "necking"? 6 00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,358 - No, I mean, check out the new Kevin. 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,594 - You'll note he didn't say "improved." 8 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,295 - That's 'cause he's a rebel. 9 00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:31,430 - Where's the bike? 10 00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,599 - Huh? - That's a motorcycle jacket. 11 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:36,167 It's made out of leather to protect you from scrapes 12 00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:38,537 when your head's bouncing off the grille of a truck. 13 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,005 - If you're just wearing it for style, 14 00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,207 then it's a waste of a perfectly good cow. 15 00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,541 - You wouldn't wear shoulder pads 16 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,210 if you didn't play football. 17 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:48,247 - Or would you? 18 00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,549 - Is your cutlery holding an edge... 19 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:52,351 Or going over one? 20 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,319 Diary of a mad steak knife tonight 21 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,355 on sick, sad world. 22 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:57,856 - Honestly, Rita, 23 00:00:57,858 --> 00:01:01,193 I don't care if mother's paying for your new family room. 24 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,695 - Maybe she can get a new family to go with it. 25 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:04,696 - What? 26 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:05,897 That was daria. 27 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,000 She's, uh, practicing for a school play. 28 00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:10,035 - A salesman's got to dream, boy. 29 00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,603 - Damn neighbor's dog got into the trash again! 30 00:01:12,605 --> 00:01:14,206 Now there's garbage all over the street. 31 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:15,473 The next thing you know, 32 00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,376 there will be abandoned cars on the front lawns. 33 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,778 - I'll run out and pick up some cement blocks 34 00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:20,946 before they're all sold out. 35 00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,648 - Jake, calm down. 36 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,983 Rita, I'll have to call you back. 37 00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:28,120 Yes, I will... Very, very soon. 38 00:01:28,122 --> 00:01:29,721 - Helen, do you know what happens 39 00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,290 when property values collapse? 40 00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,725 - Is it anything like when good pets go bad? 41 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,126 - What if we can't get a decent price 42 00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:36,461 when we sell this place? 43 00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:37,795 You think we're gonna move in with your sister? 44 00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:39,731 - Or should I also pick up a copy 45 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,834 of the Jonestown bartender's handbook? 46 00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,802 Agh! 47 00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:45,671 - Jake, you're being ridiculous. 48 00:01:45,673 --> 00:01:47,472 Nothing is going to affect the value of this house 49 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:48,474 short of an earthquake. 50 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,542 - We're on a fault line too? 51 00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,847 - Oh, look, the circus is coming to town. 52 00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:59,151 - On what appears to be a very fast lawn mower. 53 00:02:01,455 --> 00:02:02,554 - Hey, Jane, daria. 54 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:03,855 - Mean machine. 55 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,357 Where's your shriner's Fez? 56 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:07,059 - Don't we look like rebels? 57 00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:08,326 - Oh, yeah. 58 00:02:08,328 --> 00:02:10,362 That cricket in your front teeth is very James Dean. 59 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:11,396 - What? 60 00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,663 - Don't worry about it, Brittany. 61 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:13,732 It's dead. 62 00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,502 - Eww! I'm gonna need new teeth. 63 00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:19,304 - I'm sure the guys in woodshop can come up with something. 64 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:20,873 - Before first period? 65 00:02:20,875 --> 00:02:23,942 Don't think so. 66 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:25,043 - You know, you aren't supposed 67 00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,378 to ride those things without a helmet. 68 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:28,247 - Hey, I don't follow "rules." 69 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,414 I'm rebellent. 70 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,782 - Did he say "repellent"? 71 00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:32,384 - Seems like he should have, doesn't it? 72 00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:35,053 - Well, well, what do we have here, 73 00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:38,590 a babe magnet with a seat built for one? 74 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:41,627 Hold on tight, luscious lady. 75 00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,328 - Hey, pop a wheelie. - Yeah, yeah. 76 00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,863 Yeah, pop a wheelie, cool. 77 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:46,531 - Come on, pop a wheelie. - I love wheelies. 78 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:48,700 - Uh... okay. 79 00:02:52,206 --> 00:02:54,172 - Gee, this won't end badly. 80 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,707 - You know, we are the ones 81 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,175 who told him to get a motorcycle. 82 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,511 - Hey, if we told him to jump off a bridge, 83 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,778 would he do that? 84 00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:03,849 - Don't know. We'll try that next time. 85 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,552 Now, I know I saw that ponch guy do this on chips. 86 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:13,959 My knee! 87 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:19,264 - Uh-oh, I think the wild one's got a boo-boo. 88 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,167 - Hey, you broke the Tommy sherman memorial tree. 89 00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:24,469 - Good thing he's dead, or he'd really let you have it. 90 00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:25,870 - This is sort of like what happened 91 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,172 at my fourth birthday party, 92 00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:29,740 only it involved a tiny tricycle and a chimp. 93 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:32,010 - The difference being? 94 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:35,347 - Oh, kevie, I don't care if you squished 95 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,115 the Tommy sherman memorial tree. 96 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,550 I still love you. 97 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,353 - Tommy sherman was the greatest q.B. Lawndale ever had. 98 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,221 I too was a quarterback once. 99 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,390 Now I'm just a... One-knee guy. 100 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,858 - But your knee will heal. 101 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,092 - When? 102 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,861 Face it, brit, you've got cheerleader-type 103 00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:52,664 active womanly needs, and look at me. 104 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,265 Look at me! 105 00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,468 Kissing me now would be like kissing one of those guys 106 00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,903 who wear old-man pants and watch touched by an angel. 107 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,072 - Kevie, no! 108 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,741 - Babe, it's got to be this way. 109 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:05,143 - No, it can be like before. 110 00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:06,945 Let me bring you a gatorade. 111 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,748 - No, only sportsmen can drink sports drinks. 112 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:13,285 From now on, I drink yoo-hoo. 113 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:15,487 - No! 114 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,560 Then he said that his armpits would know 115 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,628 only the embrace of his crutches. 116 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:24,663 - What does that mean? 117 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,831 - I don't know, but it sounds bad, 118 00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:30,434 like kevie's armpits have feelings but not for me. 119 00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:33,939 Now what do I do with lips so empty, so yearning? 120 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,140 - Lips? 121 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,042 So we're off the armpit thing? 122 00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:40,378 - You know, if you break up Brittany's attempt at thought, 123 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,414 it looks like a mystik spiral song. 124 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,216 - "Armpits have feelings but not for me. 125 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,420 Now what do I do with lips empty?" 126 00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:51,189 Hmm, are you sure you don't want to replace "lips" with "skull"? 127 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,624 - It's a work in progress. 128 00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,359 - Oh, what's this? 129 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,460 - Nothing. 130 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,028 - Please, daria, any form of expression 131 00:04:57,030 --> 00:04:58,996 is cause for celebration. 132 00:04:58,998 --> 00:05:01,199 I see you've chosen to celebrate in the way of verse. 133 00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,735 - The only thing here in the way of verse 134 00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:05,637 might be its complete lack of quality. 135 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,238 - You're being judgmental, daria, 136 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,043 Judge... And you get mental. 137 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:12,411 - And you know what I say... 138 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,979 - Life sucks, and then you die? 139 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,148 - This is so deep but so sad. 140 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,816 Daria, are you depressed? 141 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,686 I mean, more than usual? 142 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:23,154 - Not me. 143 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,156 - Brittany? 144 00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,256 - What? 145 00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,926 Um... here? Present? 146 00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:30,595 - Come on, man, it's just a sprained knee. 147 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:32,130 You've got to play. The team needs you. 148 00:05:32,132 --> 00:05:33,197 - No, it doesn't. 149 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:34,499 The only team that needs me 150 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,735 is the one that sits - The chess team. 151 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,470 - But you don't even know how to play chess. 152 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,537 - Oh, yeah? 153 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:41,373 King me! King me! King me! 154 00:05:41,375 --> 00:05:43,641 - I'll talk to you when the painkillers wear off. 155 00:05:43,643 --> 00:05:46,511 - Kevie, Mr. O'Neill just gave me an "a" 156 00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:47,813 for a poem I didn't know I wrote 157 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:50,015 and said I should get counseling for my troubled mind, 158 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,317 and it's all because of you, so we have to get back together, 159 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,586 or my mind will never untrouble itself. 160 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,723 - Babe, the only wide receivers I've got are my crutches here, 161 00:05:57,725 --> 00:05:59,858 and they only catch the sweat of my defeat. 162 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,060 - But what about our eternal love 163 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,796 that was supposed to last till graduation? 164 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,197 - Could you really date a guy 165 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,467 who isn't gonna be in any yearbook team pictures? 166 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,337 - I... i...oh, no. 167 00:06:12,339 --> 00:06:13,772 It really is over. 168 00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,110 - No team, no babe. 169 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,580 I guess i'm, like, on my own. 170 00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:22,714 Wh-whoa! 171 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:34,091 - Is it me, or does study hall go faster 172 00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,393 when you're somewhere else? 173 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,862 - Life goes faster when you're somewhere else. 174 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,030 - Aww, look. 175 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,433 The Tommy sherman memorial tree is still dead. 176 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,568 - I guess now we're gonna have to plant something 177 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:46,838 to memorialize it. 178 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,741 - Oh, Angie, I miss my kevie. 179 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,245 Life just isn't the same without his big brown eyes 180 00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:55,479 and spellbinding dimples. 181 00:06:55,481 --> 00:06:58,383 - I'd rather remember the tree than remember Tommy sherman. 182 00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,885 - Hey, that's not nice. 183 00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:02,587 You wouldn't like that if you were Tommy sherman. 184 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,856 - I wouldn't like anything if I were Tommy sherman. 185 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,492 If I were Tommy sherman, I'd be dead. 186 00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,227 Oh, no! Oh, god, a ghost! 187 00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,862 A ghost! 188 00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,298 - First Tommy's tree is dead, and now he's back to haunt us. 189 00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:16,067 - As the fourth quarter winds down, 190 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:18,135 and the score remains oakwood 21, 191 00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,439 lions zipperino, 192 00:07:20,441 --> 00:07:23,442 does your humble announcer dare to venture 193 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,343 that the mighty lawndale "rrrroar" 194 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:28,246 has turned into a plaintive "meow"? 195 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,314 Lawndale's replacement quarterback, 196 00:07:30,316 --> 00:07:31,716 mad mack, has the ball, 197 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:34,351 and it looks like he's going to pass it to... 198 00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:35,687 - Ugh! 199 00:07:35,689 --> 00:07:37,088 - Nobody. 200 00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,790 Bad break, mad mack. 201 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:40,459 We felt that one in the box. 202 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,894 - Guys, I don't know what happened, sorry. 203 00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:44,729 - Give me an "I." 204 00:07:44,731 --> 00:07:45,764 "L." 205 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:46,865 - Give me an "a." 206 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,166 "A" 207 00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,501 - give me an s-u-x. 208 00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,170 Lawndale sucks, ha. 209 00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,639 - This is no good, no good at all. 210 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:59,177 - And the lions once more go down to defeat. 211 00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,313 - I've got to do something about all this losing. 212 00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,717 - I just hope a new wardrobe is enough to take our minds 213 00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:08,253 off that abysmal game. 214 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:10,822 - Yeah, abysmal. 215 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,791 - If this keeps up, we may have to hold 216 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:14,693 an emergency meeting on the dateability 217 00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:15,961 of the football team. 218 00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:17,195 - Oh, no. 219 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,364 - Look, isn't this adorable? 220 00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:20,932 It's so neck-slimming. 221 00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,268 I wonder if they have it in chartreuse. 222 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:25,537 Excuse me, miss? 223 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:27,239 - Where is everybody? 224 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,840 I can't believe no one's even offered us 225 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,308 fitting rooms yet. 226 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,879 - Yeah, it's like they want us to get shopper's cramp. 227 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,348 - Miss... oh, miss? 228 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,917 - Guys, something weird is going on. 229 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:44,522 - Come on, let's get to the bottom of this. 230 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,660 Ahe-hem. 231 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,829 Teresa, is there a labor stoppage 232 00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:52,230 we should be apprised of? 233 00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,398 No one's helping us. 234 00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,033 - It's your football team. 235 00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,269 They're... well... losers. 236 00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:58,637 - What does that have to do with us? 237 00:08:58,639 --> 00:09:00,138 We don't play football. 238 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,773 - You go to a loser school, 239 00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,474 and it's not good for junior 5's image 240 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,076 to have losers wearing our clothes. 241 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:08,380 - But we're not losers. 242 00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:10,715 - Look, if you don't mind taking turns, 243 00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,317 I can give you fitting room eight. 244 00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:15,653 - The unpopular people's dressing room? 245 00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:18,189 - It says here on your transfer forms 246 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,125 that you've been in high school for six years. 247 00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:22,293 - Yeah, I have trouble learning stuff 248 00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,794 when people make me mad. 249 00:09:23,796 --> 00:09:25,396 - But you don't seem to have trouble 250 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,632 with the old pigskin, eh? 251 00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:30,301 Um, why was your season cut short last year? 252 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:33,905 This says your offensive line had a "mishap." 253 00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,640 - They made me mad. 254 00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:37,675 - Ahh. 255 00:09:37,677 --> 00:09:39,010 Uh... heh. 256 00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,848 - Zippidy-do-dah, zippidy-ay. 257 00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,283 Make Tommy's spirit go far, far away. 258 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,655 - All right, girls, puffing party's over. 259 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,957 - Oh, no, you ruined it. 260 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:56,060 Now Tommy sherman's ghost will never go away. 261 00:09:56,062 --> 00:09:58,563 - Well, forgive me if I didn't see 262 00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:02,133 the sign on the door that said, "girls' exorcism room." 263 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,669 - And then Sandy said she didn't know 264 00:10:04,671 --> 00:10:06,237 if she could show her face anymore 265 00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:08,139 and is thinking about the witness protection program, 266 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,807 although not if they make you dye your hair 267 00:10:09,809 --> 00:10:11,176 that really brassy blonde. 268 00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:13,678 - That's just what Sammy "the bull" gravano said. 269 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,080 - Hey, here's another good town we can move to. 270 00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,917 It says the schools have produced three pro quarterbacks. 271 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,285 - How many pro wrestlers? 272 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,986 - Quinn, I don't think you're considering 273 00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,321 the rest of the family. 274 00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,389 - I am. 275 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,690 We live in a loser town now, 276 00:10:25,692 --> 00:10:27,358 and that can't be good at that job you go to. 277 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,728 Only losers live in loser towns. 278 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:32,063 Do you want your clients thinking you're a loser? 279 00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,631 Hmm. 280 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:37,402 Oh, dear, your father's braking with his angry foot again. 281 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,838 - If we moved to a popular town, he'd be happier. 282 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:41,539 - Quinn, we're not moving. 283 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:42,841 - That's it! We're moving. 284 00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:43,942 Look at this. 285 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,476 It says lawndale high's football team 286 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,212 is the worst in lawndale history. 287 00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,447 It says lawndale high is a school for losers. 288 00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:51,849 Jake, that's the lawndale shopper. 289 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,651 It's written by an 80-year-old man 290 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,886 who, if you recall, had to be taken off his roof 291 00:10:55,888 --> 00:10:57,588 by the fire department, because he thought 292 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:59,724 he was being chased by screaming mice. 293 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,058 - That doesn't mean it isn't true. 294 00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,495 - Oh, daddy, mice don't scream. 295 00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:05,563 - Yeah, you're thinking of lobsters. 296 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:06,665 Who's up for seafood? 297 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:08,633 - The value of our home destroyed, 298 00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,301 our life's investment gone. 299 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:11,636 Good-bye retirement. 300 00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,204 Good-bye condo on the golf course. 301 00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:14,238 Helen, we're ruined! 302 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,306 Don't you see? 303 00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,042 - I see you shopped angry again. 304 00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,744 Now, what are we going to do with 5 pounds of... 305 00:11:19,746 --> 00:11:21,413 J.t.'s jelly pork shoulder? 306 00:11:21,415 --> 00:11:22,414 Ugh. 307 00:11:22,416 --> 00:11:23,815 - Don't look at me that way. 308 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:25,249 It was that lawndale shopper guy, 309 00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:26,350 the store, this town. 310 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:27,385 They all tricked me. 311 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,854 - Which is why we have to move. 312 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:33,157 - So my sister's scouting out new zip codes. 313 00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:35,693 My father's so mad, he can only see the color red. 314 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,029 And the other day, when my mother was paying bills, 315 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,698 I caught her trying to smudge her return address labels. 316 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,333 My home life is becoming intolerable. 317 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:44,135 - "Becoming" intolerable? 318 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:47,638 - Is there such a word as "intolerabler"? 319 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,006 - Hot stuff. 320 00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:50,675 Hey, you look familiar. 321 00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:51,709 - No, I don't. 322 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,411 - You go to lawndale high, right? 323 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,380 - No, we're reform school gals 324 00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,482 looking for love in all the wrong places. 325 00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,317 - That's good, because if you went to lawndale, 326 00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:00,518 you'd be losers. 327 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,387 What a loser school. 328 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,088 Enjoy now, ha. 329 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:06,857 - Great, and just when I was feeling like a winner. 330 00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:09,627 - I take it your quarterback is still wallowing in self-pity. 331 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,562 - I wish he'd try self-immolation. 332 00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,898 - Sport boy needs a reason to feel good about himself, 333 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,165 and there just aren't any. 334 00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:17,569 - We could try sending him back to the third grade, 335 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,170 where winning a paste-eating contest 336 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:20,538 still counts for something. 337 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:22,874 - Actually, why not send him back to elementary school? 338 00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,509 - Because he'd never meet the academic requirements. 339 00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,311 - I mean as one of those safety lecturers. 340 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:28,812 He could talk about how stupid he was 341 00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:29,947 to wipe out on his bike. 342 00:12:29,949 --> 00:12:32,116 The kids would probably rather listen to him 343 00:12:32,118 --> 00:12:34,185 than their teachers, so he'd have a captive audience 344 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,586 and feel self-important again. 345 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,989 - So simple and yet so perfect. 346 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:39,390 Daria, why didn't we think of that? 347 00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:40,825 - 'Cause we're lawndale losers, 348 00:12:40,827 --> 00:12:43,060 who wallow in our own ignorance and filth. 349 00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,562 Who wants another slice? 350 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:54,939 - Mr. O'Neill. 351 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,573 - Oh, you startled me. 352 00:12:56,575 --> 00:12:58,643 I guess all that talk about ghosts and exorcism 353 00:12:58,645 --> 00:13:00,111 has put me a little on edge. 354 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,746 - Hey, want to see me twist my head around 355 00:13:01,748 --> 00:13:03,081 and around and around? 356 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,681 - We want to talk to you about Kevin. 357 00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,350 - We think it might pull him out of his slump 358 00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:07,819 if he became a safety lecturer: 359 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:10,221 Tell kids how reckless behavior leads to injuries. 360 00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,289 - They don't have to know he was brain-damaged 361 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,758 before the accident. 362 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,529 - Hmm, turning a bad experience into something positive. 363 00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:20,031 Girls, I do believe we're on the same page. 364 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,165 - We are? 365 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,201 Now I'm in a slump. 366 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:26,036 - Kevin, the wisdom you impart 367 00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,905 to these impressionable young minds 368 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:30,041 can have a profound effect upon their lives. 369 00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:31,175 - Cool. 370 00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:32,944 - Remember, a man is never taller 371 00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:35,046 than when he helps the smallest child. 372 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:38,016 But what about when he's wearing cleats? 373 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:41,519 - Um, just go out there, and try not to hurt yourself. 374 00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:47,591 - My name is Kevin, and I'm a-- 375 00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:48,993 - louder. 376 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:53,030 - My name is Kevin, and I used to be a rebel, 377 00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,333 but now I'm just a big fat loser. 378 00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,734 Everywhere I go, it's like, "look at that loser. 379 00:13:57,736 --> 00:13:58,803 "Nice day, loser. 380 00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,172 More chocolate milk, loser?" 381 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,607 But it wasn't always like this. 382 00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:05,610 Before my bike accident, I was the q.B. 383 00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:06,644 Chicks love that. 384 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:07,745 Cool. That was neat. 385 00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:08,746 - Hot chicks? 386 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,147 - Cheerleaders. 387 00:14:10,149 --> 00:14:11,215 Cool. Oh, wow. 388 00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:12,617 - See, motorcycles are dangerous, 389 00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,017 especially when you fall off them. 390 00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,853 Heh, I mean, I'm one of the lucky ones. 391 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,356 I mean, I could have fallen off the Grand Canyon 392 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,024 and hit my head on a rock or something. 393 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,893 Then I'd be one of those guys with their brain 394 00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:24,562 sticking out of their eyes and their guts all over the place. 395 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:25,696 - Cool. 396 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,865 - In collusion, motorcycles can wreck your life 397 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,400 and make it so you can't play football, 398 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,802 and that's not cool. Safety is cool. 399 00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:32,837 Any questions? 400 00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,171 - Tell me about the cheerleaders. 401 00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:35,473 - I want to hear about the blood and guts again. 402 00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,412 - And that's how I saved countless youth children 403 00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,314 as a walking "safety don't." 404 00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,783 And when kids are about to do something dangerous, they go, 405 00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:47,085 "hey, I don't want to do this. 406 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:48,953 I want to be like that cool safety guy." 407 00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:51,556 - He'd be such a wonderful father. 408 00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,891 - Of a coconut. 409 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,026 - Now my crutches are, like, my best feature. 410 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:58,162 - Taking over the role formerly played by his car. 411 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,131 - Well, this plan backfired perfectly. 412 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,000 - Kevin, that report was peachy. 413 00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,433 - Thanks. 414 00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:06,370 - Although what it has to do with the league of nations, 415 00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:09,607 which was your assigned topic, I fail to understand. 416 00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:11,409 - Um... 417 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:13,211 Did everyone get to see my picture? 418 00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:15,980 - This isn't working. 419 00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:18,016 The new guy, he's got some weird rules. 420 00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:20,117 - You mean weirder than sticking your butt in the air 421 00:15:20,119 --> 00:15:21,452 and making a football appear? 422 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:22,853 - It's called a hike. 423 00:15:22,855 --> 00:15:24,389 - Now, I'm gonna throw this. 424 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:27,024 If you catch it, you get to kick me in the head. 425 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,059 If you miss it, I'll kill you. 426 00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:31,062 Huh? No, I'm not playing that. 427 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,630 - You think I'm kidding? 428 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,198 Well, try me, punks. 429 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,535 Now, go out for a pass, or I'll waste you right now. 430 00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:40,704 Okay, that's good. 431 00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,173 Hey, stop, hey. 432 00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,608 You're not supposed to run across the street. 433 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,246 Man, this happens everywhere I go. 434 00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,249 Nobody knows how to play football. 435 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,952 - What's with quinny o? 436 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:58,122 - She's dressing incognito until she can persuade my mother 437 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,791 to relocate us to Bermuda. 438 00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:01,092 - You should really keep her away 439 00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:02,727 from open bottles of nail Polish. 440 00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,029 - Or scatter a lot more of them around. 441 00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:07,798 - Daria, Jane, would you like to contribute 442 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,201 to the Tommy sherman memorial tree fund? 443 00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:12,437 We're hoping to get his ghost out of the girls' room. 444 00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:14,872 - It takes a tree to get him out of the girls' room? 445 00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:16,474 Did he turn into a dog or something? 446 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,342 - I don't think so. 447 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,044 - You know, if you can just get those crutches away from Kevin, 448 00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,613 you can plant one of them instead. 449 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:25,616 That's sure to appease Tommy's restless bathroom spirit. 450 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,251 - You're right. 451 00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,919 - You know you're going to hell. 452 00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:31,389 - Anything that gets me out of lawndale. 453 00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:33,924 - See, by teaching the kids about safety, 454 00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:35,793 I'm giving something back to society. 455 00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,361 I'm, like, a philanderist. 456 00:16:37,363 --> 00:16:39,430 - Yeah, yeah, how about suiting up 457 00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,098 and giving something back to the team? 458 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,801 This new guy's got the receivers hiding in a dumpster. 459 00:16:43,803 --> 00:16:44,968 - But the kids... 460 00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,237 They look up to me, bro. 461 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:49,140 - Hey, we look up... We look at you too. 462 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:50,375 Now come on back, will you? 463 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,477 - Hi, kevie. - Hey. 464 00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,178 - Um, I was wondering, 465 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,280 can I borrow one of your crutches, please? 466 00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,681 - Can't spare it. 467 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,583 I need it for my motivated speaking. 468 00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:02,053 Say, brit, you know, there's no law that says 469 00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:04,222 a motivated speaker can't have a babe. 470 00:17:04,224 --> 00:17:06,090 - But there is a law that says 471 00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:09,761 cheerleaders can only date football players, remember? 472 00:17:09,763 --> 00:17:10,928 - Darn! 473 00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,263 You know, that's recrimination. 474 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,132 I mean, just 'cause I don't wear a uniform 475 00:17:14,134 --> 00:17:16,134 doesn't mean I'm not the same guy. 476 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,434 - Yes, it does. 477 00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:19,704 My kevie is a football leader of men. 478 00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,372 My kevie wouldn't let the whole team down. 479 00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:25,476 My kevie wouldn't let lawndale become a loser town. 480 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:28,045 - Wait, babe, come back. 481 00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,580 - Forget it, kevie. 482 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:30,715 You're on your own. 483 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,183 You're a... A man on an island. 484 00:17:33,185 --> 00:17:35,352 - But I don't want to be on an island. 485 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:36,854 I get seasick. 486 00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:39,791 Besides, I need... The love. 487 00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:40,924 - Huh? 488 00:17:40,926 --> 00:17:42,626 - I mean, what's saving lives 489 00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:43,961 if there's no one to make out with? 490 00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:46,697 - I believe Gandhi asked that same question. 491 00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,132 - It's why he had to be eliminated. 492 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:03,914 - Brit, I realized that without you, 493 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,716 I'm by myself. 494 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:07,351 Your love has healed me, babe. 495 00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,152 I'm... I'm cured. 496 00:18:09,154 --> 00:18:10,855 - Oh, kevie. 497 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:12,790 I've missed you so much. 498 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:14,492 - Like, me too, babe. 499 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,259 - Care to join me in the girls' room 500 00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:17,761 for a jolly puke? 501 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:20,131 - Sure, but not if that Tommy sherman's in there. 502 00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:23,167 - That Tommy sherman, he ruins everything. 503 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,437 - Look, the new Tommy sherman memorial tree. 504 00:18:27,439 --> 00:18:28,572 - Lovely. 505 00:18:28,574 --> 00:18:30,241 - I wonder why it isn't blossoming. 506 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,677 - Did you take the little rubber thing off the bottom? 507 00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,345 - Oh. 508 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:37,248 - Oh, mm, daria, maybe we should go inside 509 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,649 before lighting strikes you dead 510 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,417 and bits of you mess up my nice shoes. 511 00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:49,927 - And star quarterback Kevin Thompson scores again. 512 00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,796 Rrrrooar. 513 00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,063 - Yes! Yes! 514 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,532 Helen, Helen, give me your phone. 515 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:56,466 We're not losers. 516 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:57,768 We're not losers. 517 00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,069 We're not losers. 518 00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,538 Lawndale rules! 519 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,540 - Brittany worked all week writing that. 520 00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,674 - It shows. 521 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,276 Powerful. 522 00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,210 - Like getting hit in the head repeatedly 523 00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:08,513 with a sock full of quarters. 524 00:19:08,515 --> 00:19:11,415 - And here he is, the miracle man. 525 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:14,719 Let's hear it for Kevin and his magic knee. 526 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:20,724 - Yeah, I'll bet you didn't try to drive down property values. 527 00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:22,159 Well, lawndale high's quarterback 528 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,795 is fit as a fiddle, and lawndale's got a winner school, 529 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,663 and the best people are gonna want to live here, 530 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,632 and they buy houses at market value, 531 00:19:28,634 --> 00:19:30,301 no thanks to you, loser. 532 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,302 Oh, yeah? 533 00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,903 Well, I want my mommy too. 534 00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,138 Ha! 535 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,672 - Do you feel better now that you've set 536 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,274 the lawndale shopper man right? 537 00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:39,210 - Actually, that was his six-year-old grandson, 538 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:40,778 but I'm sure he'll give him the message. 539 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:44,381 - Ahhh! 540 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:45,716 - Oh, no. 541 00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:49,152 Has the mighty Kevin Thompson injured his knee again? 542 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:53,224 Praise the lord. 543 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:54,725 He landed on his head. 544 00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:57,161 - This is a day of miracles. 545 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,337 Captioning by captionmax www.Captionmax.Com